Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
