Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
