You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
