don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
