DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize