im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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