Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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