Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
