drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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