just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
