You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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