She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Pooping to opera.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
