I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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