The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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