Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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