Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
