We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
