I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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