My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
