i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MIDGETS
????
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
