google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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