Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
