Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I will pee on everything he values.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
