Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
