It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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