he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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