Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
