lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
