The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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