i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize