Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
