I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
