ugly people sure do ruin things
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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