We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
