how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
