You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
