It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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