Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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