Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
