She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
