wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
