omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
