i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
