I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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