just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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