im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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