There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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