You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
