Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
