Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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