i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
