I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
