Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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