i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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