If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
