:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Even my vagina gasped.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
