I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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