He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
