I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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