You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
