after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
