You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Randomize
