I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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