Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize