we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize