She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
